I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
