3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize