dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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