That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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