Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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