sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
