I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize