Where is the hickey?
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
please don't ironically join a cult
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