Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
