I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
