Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Everclear isn't food dammit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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