o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
