My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
