you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
