my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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