If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
