she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
