apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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