Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
