I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
His nipple licking is glorious
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