I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
