i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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