shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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