It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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