very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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