yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize