I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
