So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
