Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
