I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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