he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
