this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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