i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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