Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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