wanna go halves on a baby?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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