I got chris browned last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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