He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
