You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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