I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
