I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just found a bag of teeth...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
