dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
