So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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