scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
