No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
