he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
