i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
