are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
