Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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