I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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