I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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