I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dignity is for republicans.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
