I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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