remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So squirting runs in the family.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
