Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
