A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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