I cockslap morals
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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