take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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