I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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