Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
there is glitter all over my balls
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