After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
