this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
