oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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