All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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