Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
