She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
