my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ketchup is God's man juice
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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