Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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