I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
