he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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