I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your penis caused this!
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