you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
