Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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