dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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