I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
