Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
