hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
