Rock
Scissors
Fuck
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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