What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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