Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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