There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
