tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
