Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
