and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Randomize
