This is not my ceiling
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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