He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
