Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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