she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Everyone says I win the strip club
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
