I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
