ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize