chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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