Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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