Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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