i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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