i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
