I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize