I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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