you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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