I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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