I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
