Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
