i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
