This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
