Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize