My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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