If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So squirting runs in the family.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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