We're facebook friends in real life
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
