What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize