Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
