So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
