I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
