All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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