I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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