Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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