But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my sisters under your porch take her home
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
