Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
