I should be sponsored by Trojan
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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